my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
