Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
