I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize