Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
