Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
