Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am midnight drunk by noon
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
