i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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