Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
