babies were throwing up all over the place
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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