So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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