My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
