Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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