Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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