so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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