the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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