If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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