You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
