i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
