im drinking this country out of the recession.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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