You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
