Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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