The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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