I smell stomach acid.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
