It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
