Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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