Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize