white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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