Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Enjoy the penises
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
