Buhtt sex?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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