My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
