apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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