Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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