Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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