i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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