Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
