So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
