it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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