Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
