passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
