I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
