Tell her she can't have a vagina
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
