It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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