I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize