I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
NoShamevember. You game?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
