When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
