I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
