I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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