There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
