Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
