I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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