your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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