i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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