You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
