He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
