Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
