life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
