hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
