I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
