If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
