Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
