I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
