If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
