Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.