He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??