so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry