I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week