But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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