i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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