I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize