he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
