God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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