he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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