I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
