Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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