i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
