She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
