So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
