you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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