i think my tv is drunk
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
