"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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